Ad Meliora "towards better things"

  I just love when I can be of help to someone else who was standing where I was years ago.  Knowing there's something wrong with your child but not having a word other than "painfully shy" but your gut tells you, there's got to be something more to it than that.  When I got those first few words "pragmatic speech" talking to the girls first speech therapist, I couldn't get home fast enough to Google search them.  It finally gave me a direction. 

We're hoping to move soon.  I've been networking with moms in our new local area and I connected with another mom on a social media forum.  Something provoked her after reading those couple of words "Selective Mutism" to do a Google search and came upon a resounding certainty her child has SM too.   She sent me a message and asked, "Now what do I do?  Where do I go from here?" 

 I wrote back to her and said,

First let me tell you there's hope!  Lots of it.  I would say start with your primary care MD and get a referral to see a child psychologist who specializes in Selective Mustism. 
I'd start with www.Selectivemutism.org  There is a lot of information on there.  If there's no one available in your state, try to find a psychologist who is good at treating anxiety disorders, especially social anxieties.  Kids need cognitive behavioral therapy to start working a "fear hierarchy ladder."  CBT will help them mimic movements first and then works up to blowing air and taking another step to making sounds like "P" or "B" at first and then working on yes or no and so on.   SM kids are usually perfectionists   (My one is moreso than the other but we'll work on OCD issues later.)    Approach is the key with helping these kids.  You HAVE to know this condition isn't something of their choosing.  They don't choose to remain silent and it's not that they're shy and will grow out of it.  They won't, they'll only retreat further into themselves if left untreated!  If caught early enough this condition is completely reversible.  I've heard so many positive stories and tho my two still don't spontaneously speak they've made huge strides since preschool. 
As someone had shared with me in an earlier post she suggested making the kids do "hand overs" to help instigate initializing spontaneous speech.  Since I've read that suggestion, we've been doing it every chance we can get.  At first they didn't want anything to do with handing over their candy bar or gum to the cashier or their books to the librarian.  Since doing so, they've gotten less and less hesitant.  Body language in these kids shout moreso than being vocal.  Like I told the new mom I met today.  It's a long road, but persistence will in the end pay off.  Stay consistent, be gentle and understanding but firm. 
I took the kids out for hot chocolate and a doughnut last Saturday (it was a reward for them for doing their chores and earning "be brave" cards.)  They were able to with me helping them (I ask them multiple choice questions and then they answer having them look at the person behind the counter) order their own doughnut.  Last summer when we went out with the Dr. to the same place for the first time it took them almost 45 mins before they could order.  We were in and out last Sat in under 45 mins.  That's what I call progress! 

God bless the souls who's hearts are stirred and head out in a direction for our children.  That's what being a parent is about isn't it?  Moving Heaven and Earth.  With God's guidance, start right here on Earth moving one rock at a time.

Lessons

This year has been an exploratory one.  I as a new homeschooling mom have learned great lessons about patience, curriculum, children's read aloud books, science approaches and I'm even a better 'drawer' than I ever thought possible.  Most importantly, I've learned to trust God in this whole process.  I've got to be a witness to my children relaxing in life, being comfortable in their own skin.  Friends and family have noticed the change as well.  It's been evident in the way they carry themselves when around people they are and are not familiar with.  They tend not to curl into themselves so much anymore when being somewhere new or slightly familiar.  They often times ask to 'be brave' when we go out to run errands.  They like to work on their responsibilities to earn their rewards. 

I think the homeschool Co Op has been a huge success for all of us.  I've enjoyed making new friends and getting to be a sponge around some of those ol' homeschool mom veterans.  They have accepted us with no strings attached and have been so accommodating to the girls situation. 
Our old public school as well has been such a joy.  They've opened their arms into helping meet our needs when it come to the girls attending extra curricular classes and letting us have access to speech class and their therapist.  The therapist has made great strides with them by getting them to speak outside of her office.  She's been pushing them into other areas of the school such as hallways and the library but has not succeeded in getting them to talk inside a classrooms full of kids.

It's been a year of many great discoveries.  I've learned there are more mundane days than good days, but I've chalked it up to a disenchantment with the curriculum we're using.  We're bored and I just don't like the approach it uses in teaching some certain fundamentals.  I've heard and read, these are the 'gentle years' so I'm not stressing it but am definitely looking into a new curriculum and a new approach for next year.  Find a good curriculum fair to go to if you can.  They are a great place to put your hands on things and decide what might be right for your family.
I have been reading some fun (read aloud) books this year.  The girls and I devour chapter books.  Many "Life according to Humprey" books,  Winnie the Pooh, The Worst Witch series and Dear Hound .   Which is why I'm looking into the Sonlight curriculum for next year.  The kids have progressed in reading and their writing skills are adequate.  They've learned how to tell time, count money and they know basic addition.  But I'm thinking there must be a better way out there.  We've learned bible stories and drew pictures.  Their memorization of memory verses has blown me away!  They memorize so easily.  This one little piece of fact gives me great hope.  They've spent a lot of time playing, making things and getting into trouble this school year.  I've watched them become a better friend to one another and value the importance of being a family.  
It's been a 'gentle year' indeed.  I thank God for all the opportunity He's given us and the means by which they all became possible.

I meet a lady at Co Op who told me she had a niece who also was diagnosed with SM and that her parents found out in preschool, got her the needed therapy and now at age 11, you would have never known she had SM.  What a great uplifting story!!!  I certainly hope we will also be able to tell this same story one day in the not so distant future. 

I pray I can impart onto you inspiration to not give up hope on your little ones who desire so desperately for their loved ones not to forsake them.  Take a huge breath in and a step backward to celebrate and admire the little milestones your child has conquered and praise them at every chance for being brave. 

I'm thinking it's called Progress!

We visited the girls psychologist yesterday.  Last time we were there was in June before I started homeschooling.  The Dr. has been on maternity leave and that's why the long interval.  Her conclusions were so good to hear.  She said she was super impressed with the girls' progress.  She could tell that there was  a difference in their attitudes and a lot more willingness to "be brave".  They greeted her in the waiting room, (always after my prompting, not spontaneously) and it didn't take any time at all for them to warm up and start speaking in her office.  Since her leave, the Dr. had moved rooms, so we didn't have access to her normal board games that she utilizes and had to improvise with reading aloud.  We read "The Nose Book" by Dr. Seuss.  They don't know all the words yet but enough of them to get a good assessment of their skills.
She complimented on how nicely they read and how patient I was helping them.  I admitted it's been a process and a definite learning experience but the girls have given me a generous learning curve.
I told her our normal weekly routine has been a big part in providing opportunities for me to work with them.   Since the girls are going to their "specials" at their old school; ie, gym, music and art classes on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays with Co Op too on Fri mornings, we've really focused on finding one person each time we go somewhere to 'be brave' with.  I reward them with "Be Brave" (I'll post a link below)  cards and  they need one card every day we venture out of the house to get their reward at the end of the week.  We usually take a trip on Saturdays to Jo-Ann Fabrics for something small.  During the week I also reward them with Hershey kisses immediately after they've been brave.
  The Dr. and I set some more reasonable goals to achieve within the month.  Oh, that's the best part.  I asked if we could visit her on a monthly basis on from now on.  I feeling well equipped with the tools she's given me over the last year to work with the girls.  I said I didn't want to quit seeing her all together because I value her opinion and advice and I want her direction to continue.  She said that monthly visits would be fine since she hasn't seen a regression.  Yeah for us!!!!  I'm sure there were moments where she might have speculated over our choices.  She hasn't come out yet to say we've made the right choice in homeschooling but she's said whatever I'm doing to stay consistent.
Speech Therapy has also started for them at their old school.  We go twice a week to meet with the therapist there.  The girls spoke to her (not spontaneously, only forced choice one worded answers) but on the first day no less!  A huge milestone considering the therapist is a new face to them.  The therapist, our Dr. and I are meeting together next month to discuss the girls speech therapy goals.  I'm looking forward to what she has to say.
Lots of horn tooting with this post.  I'm just so darn proud of all our hard work.  It's probably too soon to say this is the way to go, maybe not, but for these two it feels like it's been the right choice. Today we've been homeschooling for 49 days.  I pray in the long run, this will be my legacy for them.  I can only hope and pray that God continues to support our decision to homeschool and He'll see fit to bless the girls with a long happy, balanced life.  There's a quote I've heard by Erma Bombeck that struck a chord with me lately, it goes:

 "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me". 

I want this for my children, to use every single talent the Lord has given them to serving Him without anxiety, being happy and content.

PS, Here's the link I promised to the website for the reward/chore cards  I use.  I use the whole system she's designed but I used sticky magnetic tape and use the side of the fridge to display them.  After the girls do their chore then they move it to the pockets, I got at Ikea, under their side.  The "best beehavior" cards are our "Be Brave" cards here.  They've worked wonders!  Good luck.

Quick Update

Today was the kids first day back to their old school since they left last fall.  Three days a week they go in for extra curricular classes, Gym, Music and Art.  I took them in this morning to go to their Gym class.  They complained about their newly purchased big gym shoes and too small socks.  The shoes kept slipping off the back of their heel and their socks were slouching down as well.  If I would have bought stuff the other way; ie, shoes too small and socks too big they would have complained about it too.  What's a mom to do?
Back to our morning.  The school was well prepared for our arrival.  The kids were greeted by their most favorite literacy para.  She took them in and walked them to the Gym.  I went and briefly talked to the new Speech Therapist and we tentatively set reasonable goals for them the children to achieve this year.
Afterward I sat in the school office waiting for my two to return.  I got a report that while in their class someone spied them laughing and playing with the other kids.  YES!  Laughing!  I don't think they've really ever done that in front of the other kids before.  I'll have to do some asking around, but I'm pretty sure about the last statement.
Upon leaving the girls said they had fun and recognized a lot of the kids from their Kindergarten class.  I think that was a relief to them, seeing familiar faces.

Golden Garden Spider

We came home to have some lunch and to explore the back yard.  Look what my little scientists found!  They've always had an affinity to spiders for some reason.  They're fascinated by them and, as you can see, pick out some pretty amazing species!  My two know every creature that resides in our back yard.....all the way down to these big ugly guys.  This thing was the size of a quarter easy.  I googled it and found out it was a Golden Garden Spider.  Completely harmless and the females are almost twice as big as the males with the abdomen being wider.
Looking forward to the rest of the week to see how the kids will transition into our new fall routine.  Co op starts the 21st of this month and  I'm praying this is the good foot that will set the tone for the rest of the school year.  LAUGHING on the first day! YES.

Continuing Speech Therapy

Last week I was contacted by the kids' old school mainly because I left last year telling them I was still intending to keep the children in their speech therapy sessions.  They listened and inquired if I was going to bring them in this year.  I have to admit, I'm very impressed by their willingness to help my kids and to work with me and my families decision to homeschool.  I also have the opportunity to put the kiddos in extra curricular classes at their old school which would include PE, Art and Music.  I've been thinking and praying about this option all summer and I believe this would afford the kids opportunity to relate and socialize with their former and new class mates on a regular basis.  In their speech therapy, the therapist puts them together with kids out of their class to help with their 'being brave' work.  Since they're not in a 1st grade class per say, I thought that maybe if they were in the extra classes it wouldn't make them feel nearly as awkward when paired with their classmates.
SM kids need plenty of opportunities to 'be brave'.  My children had progressed a good deal last school year and family and friends were voicing they could see a significant difference in their attitude.  I'm hoping all the opportunities this year, especially with me being at a lot of them, will help settle their anxieties.
I have to report my pride.  The kids have been asking to 'be brave' when we go out on errands.  I will negotiate with reward cards or a candy bar if their efforts are turned into audible words strangers can hear.    The last few days when practicing they have been twice as loud as normal.  I've upped the ante and told them they have to 'be brave' to two people or say "hi and bye" to one person on our outings to receive rewards.  They've even been as loud and ambitious when out with their Father too.  It's a small gain, but I'm counting anything that looks like a giant one.
On a side note, I want to express my pleasure in the curriculum we're using.  We're on our second month of using My Father's World and on Friday the kids had to listen to and then draw the story they heard.  The story was of a fisherman, his boat and fishing lines getting tangled.  The fisherman leaned over to untangle the lines and fell in and then he sent up a balloon distress signal.  This story was meant to help the kids remember the bodies of water in the region we will begin to study.  They were able to recreate the bodies of water on paper and then we learned a way of labeling them.  It was incredible to see the light in their eyes turn on when I compared their drawn maps to the globe.  They kept asking if these places were in "real life"?

On Exploration Day we saw these two yellow finch .

In science this past week we've been studying rain, clouds, thunder and lightening.  We've read many books on the subject and now they've even been introduced on how hail is made.  They can answer questions intelligibly on how clouds are made or how you can tell how many miles away the storm is.    I'm amazed how fast they are picking up their vowel sounds and learning how to read.  I've read to them since they were babies and it's hard to tell if they just are remembering words they've seen over and over or if they can really sound the words out.  I think it's a mixture of all the above but leaning more toward calling it a growing ability to sound it out.  It's exciting to see them become critical thinking little people.
It's such a blessing to be able to be home with them and I'm so grateful that I've been given this chance to teach them.  Such a rewarding experience even on the days when they're being challenging and there have been a few so far.  They're all teachable moments.  Everyday we're gaining so much and looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.
Be encouraged, stay positive and look for the blessings that each day may bring.

 this post is linked to Homeschool Highlights in MFW at Discover Their Gifts or 2ladybugsandalizard